Value Essay Comments

Value Essay Comments

Chealsea from B Block

Hi Chelsea!

I can clearly tell that your two experiences are with your purse and your morning routine. I think it's more clear that you value your purse more. I really liked how much imagery you had in both of your stories. I felt like your words were coming to life and I could see what was happening.
I found your experiences with your purse more vivid and clear. You used a lot of really descriptive words. For example: "I walk down the hallway of the mall; I pull back the zipper and take out my favorite lip-gloss and a mirror, and smear some on to my full pale pink lips. Then I check the rest of my appearance in the mirror before sliding it carefully back into my lavender crescent moon shaped Coach purse." That sentence really made me picture the scene a lot better.

I think your strongest part of this prose would be your diction. It really helped me imagine the scene. I felt connected to the stories because of this. It made the writing sound more genuine.

I think that something that would help your essay flow better would be different word choices. Try mixing them up so when you're reading it out loud, it sounds even more genuine. For example, using he instead of my dad or vice versa. I also saw a lot of "thens" in there. Try taking them out and leaving the sentence as it is.

Great essay!

Jess from B Block

At the beginning of your necklace story, it was a little unclear. The moment you started talking about the necklace, I instantly knew what it was about. I don't think you need to change much of anything there, I just wanted to point it out. I liked your cheer leading competition story. It made me feel excited!
I think that the cheer leading competition had the most imagery. I think that the necklace story was more descriptive. Maybe if you went more in depth about the cheer leading competition, it would be twice as good.

The introduction was really good. It really made me think, which it should. For example, this line was a bit mind boggling, but completely true: "But I think that the one thing that will always stay priceless, that has in the past and always will be, are memories."

Your essay is so good, I don't know what to tell you to change. The only thing I noticed were some spelling mistakes, but that's it. I really liked your essay!

Brittany from D Block

You state what your priceless and priced items are right away. I think that's a good thing. I would just try to lead up to it a bit more. I think that, by the way you say it, you value your friends more than your music.

I think that the party was described more than listening to your music after school. I think you might want to try adding more of a story to the iPod part. I think it would make your essay seem a lot longer and more exciting. Even though it is already those two things.

I think your biggest strength would be your imagery. You really describe what you are doing and how you are feeling well. You put a lot of your characteristics into your writing, which I think is wonderful.

I think you could use a bit more depth in your writing. You could state how your feeling or why your feeling that. Other than that, your essay was filled with imagery and character!

Desi from D Block

I could completely understand what your essay was just from your title. It's very creative. In the stories, there were a lot similes, metaphors, and imagery. This made your essay ten times better than other people's!

I think your ice skating story was the most genuine. Your words were so inspiring! I can't believe how good that one came out. I could really relate to you cell phone story, which made it more realistic.

I think your strongest trait in this essay was your diction. Some of the images I got from it were mind blowing. I really liked it. For example: "My blades hit the ice and im in another world."

I would consider revising your word for spelling or grammar errors. You might want to make sure that everything flows together and sounds smooth. Wonderful job!

Marrisa from F Block

Marrisa, I really liked your stories. They had lots of wonderful imagery in them. I could totally relate to each of your experiences.

I think your time at the beach was more vivid than listening to your ipod. There were a lot of descriptive points in it.

Your overall strenghs were your diction. You were incredibly descriptive. That made the essay seem realistic.

There aren't many things I would change to this essay. Try making it flow more and alternate your words.

Nina from F Block

Hey, Nina.

I think your items were very clear. Your ice skating and your mp3 player were described very well. I really liked this line "Music inspires me. Music keeps me going through the day." becuase I could relate to it.

I think that your ice skating was described better.

I would right a longer story for your mp3 player and make your conclusion more obvious.

First Quarter Outside Reading Book Review

First Quarter Outside Reading Book Review
The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman
Published by Dell Laurel-Leaf in New York in 1995
Genre: Fantasy Fiction

The Golden Compass is a well-known book. Philip Pullman tells a story of another world and a girl from that world named Lyra Belacqua and her daemon, Pantalaimon. They go on a journey to the north to find Lyra’s friend, Roger, who was taken by the Gobblers. They end up meeting a lot of people, including witches and polar bears. In the end of the book, Lyra finds out that her Uncle is actually her father and that Mrs. Coulter is her mother. They also find a way to find dust.
“Philip Pullman’s award-winning The Golden Compass is a masterwork of storytelling and suspense, critically acclaimed and hailed as a modern fantasy classic,” is a quote from the back of the book.
I’ve never read anything like The Golden Compass before. The author’s use of imagery makes me feel like I’m actually in the book witnessing what is happening. I’ve only read one book that was remotely similar to it and that’s The Amulet of Samarkand by Jonathan Stroud. They remind me of each other because of the large amount of fast paced adventure that kept me on my toes for the entire book.
“Lyra leaped up and seized Roger’s hand. She pulled hard, and then they tore away from Lord Asriel and ran, hand in hand, but Rodger cried and twisted, because his daemon was caught again, held fast in the snow leopard’s jaws, and Lord Asriel himself was reaching down toward her with a wire; and Lyra knew the heart-convulsing pain of separation and tried to stop- But they couldn’t stop.” (Pg. 345)
The movie was the first thing that made me interested in this book. It was extremely exciting and I wanted to know more, so I decided to read it. I like to make sure that I’ll like a book before I read it, so I went online and read articles about it. These articles expressed how much other readers liked the book and this made me want to pick it up that moment. The book was much better than the movie, even if it was pretty much the same thing. After reading the first two paragraphs I thought that it would be exactly the same as the movie, but it wasn’t. The book was set at a faster pace than the movie was and it answered a lot of the questions that the movie left me with because it went into greater detail than the movie did. It was also very descriptive and made me feel like I was actually experiencing what was happening. The Golden Compass was a wonderful book and I would like to read the second one in the series as soon as possible.

Value Essay Responces

Value Essay Response

What item was described well?
I believe that the best described item was Olivia N’s bunny from C block. I liked how well she described him because her words were so genuine. It was like I was watching her first encounter with him and her fun times with him. I thought that he was a very good example of a priceless thing.

What item was poorly described?
I think that Kyle C’s iPod from C block wasn’t described well. His story was fine, but I think that he could’ve put more effort into it. For example, he could have described what it looked like. He also didn’t really tell us a story about it. If he did, it was very short. He sort of just stated a lot of things that he liked his iPod. I don’t mean to sound mean, but I think he could’ve done a better job.

What comparison was informative and effective?
I believe that Rachel B’s comparison from A block was really good. She stated plainly why she liked her quilt better than her CD’s. I think that this was an important part because it made us know why as well. She also made it clear that she valued both of them. The only thing that I think she could’ve improved on was why they were both of value to her.

What comparison was lacking?
I think that Meg M’s comparison from A block was lacking a lot. Even though she did say the similarities and differences between her lacrosse sticks and her family time watching baseball, it was very vague. She barely expanded or described anything in her comparison. It made me feel that she was rushed and didn’t take her time.

A Day with Cinderella and a Laptop

A Day with Cinderella and a Laptop

What is true value? Is it something that you receive or buy, or is it a single moment of joy? If you value something, then it doesn’t matter. Can you measure true value? Value isn’t about how much something costs or how much others envy it. It all depends on the way you feel about that particular thing.

I adjust my feathered hat and examine the stage make-up on my face in the mirror. I’m trying to put my thoughts on things other than how many people are sitting in the audience, but it didn’t help. I feel jittery and a bit panicked.
I can’t believe how many people are running around and laughing. Don’t they feel the butterflies too? Maybe it’s because they don’t realize that they’ll be singing in front of a large audience, or they’ve just done this before and are use to the nerves. I look to Cinderella, who seems sick. Thank goodness I’m not the only one.
I slowly walk over to her, trying not to look panicked. She‘s sitting on the piano bench holding her stomach and slightly rocking back and forth. Immediately, I feel concerned for her and kneel down next to the person who’s already comforting her. I give Cinderella a pat on the back and, before I’m able to say anything, it is announced that the first scene will be preformed in two minutes.
The concern turns straight back into nerves. I get up and start breathing heavily as I walk over to the door. Townspeople start gathering behind me and a few of them notice my panic. They comfort me and tell me that there’s nothing to be afraid of, but I don’t listen because I’m too afraid. With a deep breath, I walk onto the stage’s wing and the townspeople get into their places onstage. I start to pace back and forth. This is not going well.
The overture ends and the introduction begins. The curtain opens. A stage hand pats me on the back and gives me a light push onto the stage. I look out at the audience and am blinded by the stage lights, not being able to see past the second row. With another deep breath, I begin the scene. The first line goes fairly well and the townspeople chime in. I remember to be in character and, for some odd reason, this makes my nerves almost completely go away. I guess it’s because the character is the one acting, and not me. I start to sing again, but this time with confidence.
After the song is over, I try not to smile because that wouldn’t be in character, but I barely contain it. This was so much fun, I can’t believe that I was scared a couple of minutes ago.

I shiver as I step out of my father’s car and put my hood up. The snow on the ground makes my excitement flourish. I jump over piles of snow and make my way to the door of Circuit City before my dad does. With a toddler-like laugh, I wait for him there. I am very ecstatic, as any eight year old would be at an electronics store.
Finally, my father is at the door. Grabbing his hand, I pull him into the store. I’m surprised when a gust of warm air comes down from above the door and warms us. As we continue to walk in, I take off my coat and mittens. I hand them both to my father, who reluctantly takes them, knowing that I would leave them in the store.
I rush over to the laptop section and eye the fancy looking ones. My father grabs my hand and brings me to the moderately priced ones and I start typing on the keyboards, even though the screens are blank. A salesperson sees us and comes over. He starts talking about the features and prices of each computer.
Finding this boring, I tiptoe my way over to the video games. I stare at the animated people on the screens above my head. I find a station that isn’t being used and begin to play, instantly hooked.
After a little while, my father comes over and tells me to come look. He drags me away from the addicting video game and brings me to the laptops again. He points to one of them and tells me that it’s the one that we were going to get my mother for Christmas.
“It’s perfect!” I shout in excitement.

Each of these instances mean something to me. They are on completely different subjects and the first one is “priceless“ and the second is bought. Cinderella was my first play, which means a lot to me because I love to perform now and I met almost all of my friends doing it. My mother's laptop brings about a lot of good memories because it was a big part of her Christmas, which made it a better one for us as well. They're alike in many ways. They both mean a lot to me because when I remember them, I feel happy. A lot of wonderful memories are attached to them. They are both valuable to me, which makes all of the difference.